Planet Jerky

Orc Ponce more like
24th September 2005

Freak Power would have you believe that some people "been driving to fast", and for the most part, they are right. Which brings me nicely to my next point:

Recently, that Dave guy has been going round calling himself "Orc Pointz". Anyone who thinks they can usurp my title has got Another Thing Coming. He might look good in tight trousers, but when it comes to Orc Points, I'm The Boz Boz around here.

But I digress. I'm going to make a cup of tea now and if you don't like that, you can just shut the fuck up. There's nothing you can do to stop me. Give up, you've already lost.

Mr Jerky AKA The REAL Orc Pointz

Oh man, orcs are just elves who ate too many bollards

Sunday 11th September 2005:
Didn't bother going to bed last night because I got up at 1pm and did sod-all to tire myself out. Looking for things to do, I fired-off all the codes from a multi-pack of crisps to see if I could win one of those new-fangled "iPods". No luck though. I refuse to believe that so many other bozos were up at 4am doing exactly the same thing. Shenanigans I'll bet. In the afternoon, I dozed-off and awoke to find numerous threats of violence from that Oswald character on MSN. So nothing out of the ordinary then!

Monday 12th September 2005:
Began the training course for my new job. It involves learning about the massive network of people, agencies, processes and endless fucking acronyms that stand between a customer handing over the dosh, and that dosh actually going into the bank. It's difficult to pay attention to this for an entire day. My mind keeps wandering off onto more interesting subjects, such as monkeys in bomber jackets. Monkeys are so "random", as a retard might say.

Wednesday 14th September 2005:
Training is tedious stuff. Click here to see a typical page of "notes" copied directly from the board. This is supposed to explain how a "station" is set up. I wouldn't be surprised if most of this guff only existed to keep the people responsible for it in jobs. Also, the trainer's assistant has an annoying habit of inexplicably inserting the word "physically" into 50% of her sentences, regardless if it makes sense or not. So far, one other person has started doing the same.

Monday 19th September 2005:
The trainer was late this morning, so to pass the time, one of my co-workers hosted a quiz on what we'd learnt so far. I correctly answered all my questions, but this caused a lot of confusion amongst some people. It contradicted the unfounded belief that because I'm quiet and keep to myself, I'm somehow oblivious to what's being said around me, and am therefore unable to retain a few piffling facts and figures! One of them muttered "he must be reading it from somewhere". A witty rubuttal along the lines of "fuck you" sprang to mind, but that would cause more grief than I care to deal with. Fucking work!

Friday 23rd September 2005:
Today ends Mr Jerky's Chronicles of Classroom-Based Training. Nothing else actually happened this week, and I got bored of writing about it. This evening, I heard that The Internet's Mr Beardo has snapped and is currently staying at a mental hospital in Worthing. I don't know if they have him in a straight jacket or padded cell or what, but hopefully he'll regain his precious sanity soon.

Saturday 24th September 2005:
Tried my iPod scam again, this time sending seven codes simultaneously at 4:30am. Statistically, there was no way I could lose! I did though. Not that I especially wanted an iPod or anything, I would've bought one by now if that were the case. I did however, want to expose Gary Lineker as the lying, cheating son of a bollard that I always knew he was. Fuck you, Lineker!

I spent the afternoon mining, smelting and hoarding gold on Runerape, whilst ranting about my love of gold and supposed Dutch heritage to anyone who came near me. I know that game is seriously lame, but I can't stop playing it. And quite frankly, why should I? Also today, I ate some pork pies, but not the jelly inside - That stuff is concentrated AIDS! I tried to hack the Pork Pie Appreciation Society's website and warn the masses, but failed miserably like the 156 people before me.

Later, bozo.

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