Dinner with Dinenage
25th July 2005
 
New things this update include a new blog-esque "comments" feature, which you will find at the bottom of this page. Today will be remembered in history as a victory for those who like things to be kept in proper context. The guestbook was subsequently destroyed, but "classic" comments can still be accessed here.
 
I did consider having both comments and a guestbook, along with a shoutbox, message board and chatroom that no-one will ever use. But then I remembered that idea was already copyright of Mr Beardo. Zing!
 
In other news, some local bozo (possibly a milkman) thinks this stupid box that he keeps in the back of his milkfloat is somehow "cool". That might be his personal opinion, but beg to differ.
 
Mr Jerky AKA Fred the Coprophagist
 
 
Saturday 9th July 2005:
Called the agency I used to rent my old flat from with intent to demand my long-overdue deposit. As expected, they fobbed me off with some bullshit and asked me to call back on Monday. I then went downstairs to find they'd posted a cheque for my £817.50 deposit with no deductions. Such justice was the last thing I expected, what with people's track-record for being an unscrupulous shower of bastards. I was really pleased until I read the following news from Mahoobley:
 
"Hello, I'm alive. Good thing I had the day off today. Although, kind of bad I did as I would have had the day off anyway due to this. Bloody terrorists! I want the fanciest, most high-tec-est phone going. Or, something thats just cool. I don't want generic-o-phone. Being impressed by what I saw in japanoland I want maybe a 3G phone, especially one with a TV in it."
 
Sunday 10th July 2005:
I'm proud to say that this afternoon, I did the best beer shit ever. And I didn't even drink any beer last night. While the picture does not do it justice, I still sent it to a bunch of people. I doubt they found it as entertaining as I did, but that's not my problem. I had my fun and that's all that matters.
 
Monday 11th July 2005:
Attended some day-long redeployment "workshop" bollocks. It wasn't mandatory but if I didn't go, other people would assume it was some of their business and get all super-pissed about it. The workshop was long-winded, but there were a couple of good tips to be had. Also, Hannibal used the word "bozo" three times on two non-consecutive occasions, which I found entertaining. And those fuckers in the Trumpet Department (20/06/05) were at it again. I think they were watching old videotapes of The Krypton Factor as well.
 
Wenesday 13th July 2005:
The Internet's Agus (pronounced "Ay-Gus" by retards) came over from Ireland today. He told me that Dublin airport's security are making everyone put their shoes though the scanner. This is probably on the off-chance that terrorists are disguising themselves as white people now. We went to a local pub that appeared to be filled with Americans for some reason. They kept buying single items on credit card, which is a pain in the arse if you have to wait behind them. Also, an old man violated my field of vision with his wang, seemingly due to the shock of me walking in and catching him using the urinal.
 
Thursday 14th July 2005:
I booked today and the next few days off work so I can sit around drinking various beer, including "Newcastle Brown Ale" with that Agus guy. Readers of his website will recognise this as his most-favourite of brown ales. I tried it and it seems fairly inoffensive. Said readers may have also noticed that he now likes to use the acronym "DG" for Dutch Gold, something he had previously dissed me for doing.
 
Monday 18th July 2005:
Finally got a haircut, which was necessary considering I looked like a sick freak. It still looks a bit crap now, but at least I'll get free admission to The Loaded Knife in Brixton. Later, I watched a spectacularly lame instalment of "Becker". It was from the new retooled series where they've given him a girlfriend and all they do is have tedious arguments over stupid "relationship" crap that doesn't matter. They've also added an obese character who just offends me with his disgusting presence.
 
Tuesday 19th July 2005:
Bought a portable antenna so I could watch TV in my bedroom. I would've done this earlier, but I had to be reminded by Agus that such technology exists. I tried it out, but the reception was very poor. This might be because I bought the most-economical model in stock. Agus pointed out the lesson to be learned from this story, and later returned to Ireland.
 
Wednesday 20th July 2005:
Gave myself a headache by sitting in the dark, searching for my home on "Google Earth", then zooming in and out while going "oooo". I was surprised to find that my street is nothing more than an unrecognisable brown blob, whilst some backwater called "New York" has 3D representations of all its buildings! But at least it was easier to find than my parents' house, which seems to be in uncharted territory. I have good reason to believe it's located here, based on the "N3" and local knowledge. If anyone wishes to challenge this, they have at it!
 
Now that you've got this far, feel free to post a "comment". Unless you are Gaq's Underling, in which case you can just kill yourself instead.

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© 2005 MR. JERKY