Rape is a laughing matter
31st October 2004
 
Hello, asshole. You'd better have your brown trousers at the ready because you're reading an extra-spooky Halloween edition of Planet Jerky! Look, I've got a jack-o-lantern and everything.
 
Anyway, word around the Idiot Campfire is that my recent updates have been slipping in terms of quality. My reaction is this: Shut up! This website is nothing to do with "you". Just who do you think you are?
 
You don't even deserve good updates, the only thing you fuckers deserve is a punch in the face. I once punched a guy in the face and this happened. Fappo!
 
Mr Jerky AKA J. Jerking Rodriguez
 
 
Sunday 24th October 2004:
Hilariously, I clogged up my toilet. I spent half an hour this afternoon trying to figure out a way to clear the blockage when I don't own a plunger. It wasn't pretty. The highlight of my weekend though.
 
Wednesday 27th October 2004:
As I've said before, breaks at work are really shit without Internet access. I find that when I'm bored and not focusing my thoughts on something, my brain stops working properly and I start thinking about things that don't make sense. Today, I was thinking about how I should've bought new pirate hooks when I was out shopping. Then I remembered that I hadn't been shopping. Then I remembered that I have hands and thus do not require pirate hooks. Had to look at my hands to make sure, however.
 
Thursday 28th October 2004:
I think they've accidentally hired a transient at work. The guy I'm talking about came in today with a really tatty old t-shirt that had massive rips and holes in it. I don't know what he thought he was playing at. Why didn't the management discipline him? Also, I have never seen him with clean hair. Not even on his first day.
 
Friday 29th October 2004:
Near my flat is one of those shops where commoners go to cash their cheques. In the window, they usually have a spoof movie poster featuring some cash-related "pun". Past examples include "Cash Reloaded", "Cash's Angels" and "Cash Revelations". Now, they have a picture of Darth Vader holding a wedge of cash with text that reads "MAY THE CASH BE WITH YOU!" I laugh but I don't really understand why.
 
Saturday 30th October 2004:
Despite calling myself "Mr Jerky", I have never actually tried "beef jerky" until today. And it's good stuff, I literally roared my approval. However, not only is it stupidly expensive considering the small amount you get, I also have to order it from The Internet because none of the local shops stock it. That's really shit. A bit like you and everything you stand for in that respect!
 
Now HTFB, pal!
 
© 2004 MR. JERKY