Glitterponce Lightshow
2nd July 2004
 
Sieg heil, you ridiculous prick! In case you had doubts before, click here to see UNDENIABLE PROOF that The Internet's Oswald really, really loves gold. Just look at it. The camera doesn't lie, people.
 
In other news, Gaq's latest update is rubbish. He accidentally uploaded an unfinished file and then didn't bother to fix it. It has a reused image, the links are broken and there is no journal. I think you'll agree that it's a fucking disgrace.
 
Planet Jerky fans can rest assured that they will NEVER have to witness that kind shoddy craftsmanship on this site!
 
Mr Jerky AKA Branson Coin
 
 
Wednesday 23th June 2004:
This afternoon, I noticed that Ermac Geatstairs has suspiciously placed a large toblerone next to his kitchen window. I took a picture, but I didn't zoom in and it came out blurred. But I assure you, it is a toblerone. That guy is up to something, I just know it.
 
Thursday 24th June 2004:
It really is a massive shame to see England lose to Portugal in Euro 2004, but not to worry guys... We still have Tim Henman! Hahahaha! He's bound to win, a man on the news said so - Just like they do every fucking year! Excuse me while I go roll around on my bed for a bit. I may be some time.
 
Friday 25th June 2004:
Had no choice but to listen to cries of "We was robbed!" and "We should of won!" all day long. Some of the arguments for this were fucking preposterous. "If David Beckham didn't miss, we would have won!" Now what was the point of THAT comment? It's all doing my head in. Let it go, fuckers!
 
Sunday 27th June 2004:
Drunk a load of beer with that Agus guy last night. And I must have got myself pretty wasted, I remember shouting at the birds from my window at about 4:30am because they were singing. "FUCKING BIRDS! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" is what I said. I felt just like Dr Dolittle! Dr Dolittle, the man who yelled drunkenly at animals.
 
Monday 28th June 2004:
I was auditing plane tickets at work when I came across one for a person called "Holly Wood". What kind of cunt calls their daughter that? I mentioned this to a co-worker via email. I think he misread it because he replied "At least they didn't call her Little Red Riding!" I responded with "Little Red Riding Wood? That sounds like a bad porno film to me." Hoho, I crack myself up, I really do.
 
Tuesday 29th June 2004:
I have recently signed-up to Google's new "gangsta" or "G" mail service. It's really good and I'm probably going to start using gmail as my main email account. Rather than trying to explain to you how great it is using traditional "words", I have summed up my thoughts and feelings about gmail in this drawing.
 
Wednesday 30th June 2004:
Today, Agus went forth on his quest to Germania. To get cheaper tickets, he planned to depart from Standsted airport rather than neighbouring Gatwick. But somewhat bizarrely, the bus to Standsted actually cost more than the plane ticket. Maybe it would have been just as cheap (and easier on the whole) to leave from Gatwick.
 
While waiting at the bus stop, we couldn't help but overhear a pair of rodent-faced, slack-jawed chavs talking to each other. Strangely, they recapped their entire day in a manner more suited to a scripted television show than an actual conversation. It was like they really wanted us to know about their day. And the girl-chav kept using the expression "It's unbelievable" or "Issunbaleevabooo" over and over. Stupid bitch. What is the point in chavs anyway? All they do is mooch, terrorise, breed and make the place look untidy. They are utterly useless and yet they all have this inexplicable sense of self-worth which really pisses me off. Fucking chavs.
 
Also today, I got my new passport in the post - Two days earlier than expected! Fantastic. But for some reason, it was delivered at 6pm. I'm not sure why and I'm not about to complain. Anyway, click here to see my hilariously-awful passport mugshot. Please note that for some reason, it looks like I have wonky eyes but in reality, my eyes are not wonky at all!
 
Thurday 1st July 2004:
After over five weeks of waiting and a lot of emails and phone calls of complaint, those fucking Internet guys (14/06/04) FINALLY delivered my order. Just so you know, it was some anti-virus software and NOT (as one Inter-person suggested) a consignment of dildos. Grr.
 
Thanks for visiting Planet Jerky. Now fuck off and die!
 
© 2004 MR. JERKY