Marc: J'aiem leh donut!
8th May 2004
 
Chateau neuf du chaps! Fans of meaningless milestones can jerk-off to the fact that this is Planet Jerky's 50th update! Since October of 2001, I have churned-out 50 of these. Why? Some stupid fucking reason, probably!
 
And to celebrate this joyous occasion, I present to you a somewhat mediocre edition of Jerky's Journal. Also, I hereby denounce the following people as Imbeciles Of The Highest Calibre: Gaq, Al and Tetsujin. Cheg on, you guys.
 
Mr Jerky AKA Mr Chewy Bite 'Ems
 
 
Friday 30th April 2004:
Bank Holiday weekend, guy! This is great news. I have an extra day of not having to sit in an office, listening to other people chatter endlessly and generally do-my-nut all fucking day! However, I will almost definitely waste this day sleeping and mincing around in my flat. Hell, there's no "almost" about it.
 
Saturday 1st May 2004:
I saw an advert for toilet paper and the selling point was this: It had puppies printed on it. Toilet paper is something you wipe your arse with, then flush down the fucking toilet. What is the point of having puppies on it? It's because the company knows that people are stupid enough to lap it up, and fair play to them on that. Idiots deserve to be exploited. In fact, idiots deserve to be stabbed. Count yourself lucky we don't get what we deserve, idiots.
 
Sunday 2nd May 2004:
Suffered the aftermath of #bubblegun's "Get Pissed Saturday". My head was in a world of pain when I woke up after consuming 11 pints last night. During this ordeal, I saw Gaq's sidekick "Disco" down a pint in 3 seconds. It made my 14 second gulp-fest look even more lame by comparison. However, the belch I let out afterwards was quite incredible. You'll have to take my word for it though! Cheers, guy!
 
Monday 3rd May 2004:
I was bored so I ordered broadband Internet. I would have done this sooner, but I was penny-pinching. My basic cost-of-living expenses (rent, bills, food etc) amount to a ridiculous £900 per month as it is. But I'm sure broadband will make my life a little happier, so the extra £14 per month will be well worth it.
 
Wednesday 5th May 2004:
I keep writing journal entries and deleting them because they are just futile complaints that would be better-suited to some kind of shitty livejournal thing, filled with personality quizzes and pretentious poetry. That sort of thing doesn't make for very good reading. Plus, I don't have tits and a fanny so no-one's going to pretend to care about my faggot whining anyway.
 
Thursday 6th May 2004:
I was held up at the supermarket by some stupid bitch. She decided to talk to the check-out woman whilst packing her ton of shopping in an incredibly casual manner, as if she had a whole month to do it. The supermarket is ALWAYS full of people like this. A load of fuckwits divvying around as if no-one exists but them. I'm a patient chap, but inconsideration pisses me off.
 
I thought I was going to get my broadband connection today. Instead, I just got a letter telling me that it's all going well, but won't be activated until next Thursday. Bah! And I was really looking forward to struting about the Internet world like I was Mr Fucking Guybrush McGuy of Guytanamo Bay.
 
Saturday 8th May 2004:
As of today, I have lived in my flat for one whole year. That's a whole year of cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying bills and sitting alone in silence. To me, it has felt like a fucking eternity. Also, the hobo I mentioned in last year's journal entry is dead.
 
><>~ ssss
 
© 2004 MR. JERKY