This is what comptrolling is all about
5th April 2004
 
Attention Jerk-Fans! The guestbook terrorist known as "Gaq's underling" has finally been exposed. And it turns out he is not quite the criminal mastermind he led us all to believe with all those fancy linguistic skills of his! He was just some grubby loser all along and I don't think anyone is surprised. If I ever catch that guy near my bins, he can consider himself decked!
 
And speaking of Planet Jerky "enemies", I have decided to remove the password screen. From now on, I'm just going to urge anyone who thinks they SHOULDN'T be reading this to please go away and mind their own business. Though I doubt this will work somehow!
 
Mr Jerky AKA The REAL Comptroller Atkins
 
 
Sunday 28th March 2004:
Awoke to find that Mr Beardo had sent me an email featuring a link to a webpage featuring this, along with a message saying he would make a "good rival" for me. Cheeky git. I'm a bit short, but not that short.
 
Monday 29th March 2004:
Came home from work to find that one of my neighbours had signed for the new PC I had ordered. It's really nifty and infinitely superior to the pile of shite I was using before. And for some reason, it came with a little digital camera that records video footage. This may come in handy for future Planet Jerky updates.
 
Tuesday 30th March 2004:
Got a "telling-off" from my supervisor for making a massive screw-up at work due to lack of concentration. The thing is, my job requires constant concentration all day long. This can be draining and recently, I have been finding it difficult. If I can read people as well as I think I can, my supervisor really hates me and wants to have me fired. And killed, probably!
 
At least the weather was quite nice today. For the first time this year, in fact. However, nice weather comes at a price: It seems that the human vermin across the road from me (who have been quiet over the last few months) have now come out of "hibernation". I have a theory that proles become increasingly louder and more obnoxious as the level of warmth and sunshine rises. I believe it is a pretty accurate theory and I shall be studying their behaviour over the next few months.
 
Wednesday 31st March 2004:
Found out that yesterday's "massive screw-up" was not actually my fault at all, and was just a mistake made by my supervisor. Did I receive an apology for being made to look incredibly stupid in front of my co-workers? Or for being led to feel incredibly stupid myself? No. In other news, "BT Yahoo!" Internet is a load of shit. "The way the Internet was meant to be" my arse. It is practically AOL.
 
Thursday 1st April 2004:
I somehow managed to pull a leg muscle whilst swimming. This is just fucking great because I was supposed to go paintballing next week. Strangely, something similar to this happened once before - Check out Jerky's Journal 31st January 2004. Speaking of fucking exercise stuff and back-entries (snort, back-entries), remember that foul-tasting supplement I mentioned on Jerky's Journal 7th February 2004? It turns out that it's actually an acquired taste. Now I think it's great!
 
Friday 2nd April 2004:
Went on night out drinking with some of my cronies. For some reason, Beardo was hanging out with a group of bizarrely-dressed people who I'd never met before. One guy was wearing some kind of leather arm-strap thing. Will was visibly surprised by this, and asked him "Where's your hawk, mate?" The guy didn't understand, but I found it amusing. Dave asked the guy if he could try it on. Click here for a phonetastic picture!
 
Now here's something: I wish the government here would do what the Irish have done and ban smoking in pubs. It was particularly smoky last night and I seem to be developing a passive-smoker's cough. Also, the ban should be enforced with on-the-spot facial knuckling for all inconsiderate, self-absorbed smoking fucks. Especially pregnant women.
 
Saturday 3rd April 2004:
That Beardo feller hung out at my gaff for the day after staying over last night. He made some excellent alterations to my new PC and got rid of all that stupid BT Yahoo shit. I was clearly very grateful for this, as you will see here.
 
Recently, I've started to suspect all that gold is cutting-off the air to Oswald's brain. I will leave you with a sample of Internet insolence he gave me the other day. Catch you next time, dudemasters!
 
Oswald: I need to fucking BLOCK you and Gaq
Oswald: there's always a message from one of you fuckers fucking with my shit
Oswald: no matter what time of the fucking day I look at the fucking computer
 
© 2004 MR. JERKY