Have a Jerky Christmas and a Jon
Wineish New Year, guy!
19th December 2001
 
From the guy who brought you the internet website that has been described as "skilly" by no fewer than two complete strangers, welcome to the Planet Jerky Christmas Special! Though there is not really anything all that special about it. Strip away the festive imagery and it's just a regular update.
 
But because he appreciates his many fans so much, Mr Jerky has purchased you all Christmas presents... Except no he hasn't. He was lying. Such a situation would be ridiculous and farcical. Sorry about getting your hopes up there, little feller.
 
One more thing before I leave, you may be interested to hear that the Games section is fixed. In fact, it has been fixed all week. I just didn't tell you. Yeah. And what are YOU going to do about it? Huh? That's right. Nothing. There is nothing you can do. You are powerless against me and my evil corporation.
 
JERK-OUT!
 
Mr Jerky
 
 
Monday 10th December 2001:
Witnessed Captain Research's latest escapade, which involved looking up amusing names in the phone book. Nicholas Gaye from Gaybrook is probably the world's gayest man if his name and location are to be believed. He also found two new Dave Gormans (or "Gormen") who may or may not have been "collected" by TV Dave Gorman collector, Dave Gorman.
 
Thursday 13th December 2001:
Found out that currently-famous pervert Roy Whiteing was an inhabitant of my former home town. I remember he used to fix kid's bikes in the local playground, where I used to sometimes hang out as a little dude. Also, there was this under-road tunnel next to my old school that our teachers ordered us to stay away from, for reasons they didn't fully explain... him!
 
Sunday 16th December 2001:
Saw some idiot who I used to work with today. A tedious old fool who tortured me all day with his incessant whistling and so-called "singing". On one occasion, he was so bad I came very close to a nervous breakdown, and apparently I was not the only person to feel this way.
 
His equally idiotic brother who worked on the same site, successfully sued his employer after he fell off a ladder. Upon receiving the cash, he told the local newspapers that he'd fallen off because he himself had positioned the ladder upside-down. What a jerk!
 
More tedium next time you cantankerous cuss.
 
© 2001 MR. JERKY