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NEW STUFF OLD STUFF
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ARCHIVE 2004
Hey there Mr Hinduist, Merry fucking Christmas! Shut up and welcome to an extra-festive edition of Planet Jerky. I'm so overwhelmed by Christmas spirit that I'd probably buy you a present if I...
Hello there, you fucking loser. Welcome to the latest edition of Planet Jerky, featuring none other than me - The Internet's Mr Jerky! Please note that if you have some kind of problem with this...
Good afternoon, you lousy faggot. I've recently heard that a new version of "Firefox" has just been released. But let me tell you this: Firefox is shit and it will ruin your life. If you are currently...
Hello, asshole. You'd better have your brown trousers at the ready because you're reading an extra-spooky Halloween edition of Planet Jerky! Look, I've got a jack-o-lantern and everything...
Hello and welcome! My name is Mr Jerky and what follows can be best described as my "fucking shit". Regular viewers might be under the impression that I've not been "updating" my "fucking shit"...
No-one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century, that The Internet's famous Planet Jerky would live to celebrate its third birthday this Sunday. Yes, I've been compiling...
I recently downloaded that "Firefox" Internet browser to see what all the fuss was about. I used it to look at Planet Jerky and was horrified at what I saw. The layout was all wrong, the scroll...
Oh hi! Click here for "animated fun" featuring Goldbot, the formidable guardian of the most-excellent #gold. As you will soon see...
Hello there, motherfuckers. I really can't think of anything to ramble on about here today, so I'm just going to paste a piece of IRC text that amuses me slightly. <Relapse> mahoobley was last seen...
Some of you people have been asking me why I have not updated my fucking shit for the last three weeks. There's probably a good reason, but I'm not going to tell what it is because it's none of...
Oh hi. Welcome to another edition of The Jerky Saver and by that I mean Planet Jerky. If you are The Internet's Gaq, please click here. I've received a little bit of feedback about that video I posted...
If that Gaq character thinks he can justify his shoddy update by posting a screenshot of a Planet Jerky typo, he has another thing coming. Because I am petulant, I am going to respond with this. It's...
Now that Gaq is unable to update his website because it is BROKEN, (hopefully forever) I can denounce him as much as I want because he cannot retaliate - And thus another victory for...
Sieg heil, you ridiculous prick! In case you had doubts before, click here to see UNDENIABLE PROOF that The Internet's Oswald really, really loves gold. Just look at it. The camera doesn't lie...
You may have noticed that Planet Jerky has not been updated for a while. I am not going to go-on about how I have been "too busy" or "too lazy" to do this because if I did, I would be lying. The...
Welcome once again to another tedious edition of Planet Jerky. Feel free to pipe-down and take a look at this spectacularly valid accusation here. In other news, that Fucking Jizz "Mahoobley"...
Hello, you fantastically-dressed idiots. Sit down and help yourself to a donut. Be grateful because it's more than you deserve, you jumped-up fucker. It has been less than a week (6 days) since I...
Hello and good morning, you absolute fucking pillock. As you will soon read in my journal, Mr Jerky has finally jumped onto some sort of bandwagon and is now connected to this...
Chateau neuf du chaps! Fans of meaningless milestones can jerk-off to the fact that this is Planet Jerky's 50th update! Since October of 2001, I have churned-out 50 of these. Why? Some...
I've got some new stuff for you in this update and the new stuff is mainly this: A nifty new sound effect. If you cannot hear it, it is the fault of your computer and not me. If you find it too annoying...
Hello and welcome to the latest installment of Planet Jerky: The Official website of the famous Mr Jerky and your number one source for Jerky-related propaganda on The Internet! But of...
Attention Jerk-Fans! The guestbook terrorist known as "Gaq's underling" has finally been exposed. And it turns out he is not quite the criminal mastermind he led us all to believe with...
'Sup dawg. This is Internet gold-enthusiast Oswald, speaking live from the Netherlands. Mr Jerky can't be bothered addressing scum like you at the moment, so instead he has asked me to...
I cannot think of anything informative to write this week, so instead I am going to sit here and whinge about how I have nothing to write about, like some sort of fucking ponce. And that is just...
Hello idiots. The irritating password screen is still in place because my fiendish plan to block unwanted readers using "special techniques" has failed miserably. This means I am going to keep it...
Imagine building a high-performance sports car. So, you've decided you're going to build the ultimately fine-tuned Ferrari. And you spend lots and lots of money on it and you adjust the...
Sorry about the rubbish new password thing I have implemented. It is an attempt to keep an unwelcome individual from browsing my pages. I realise that anyone who is the slightest bit 1337...
Good evening, you fucking muck-savage. Just shut your ridiculous face for one second and take a look at someone who is ten times the man you could ever hope to be. You think you know bad, huh...
I'd like to take a moment to express my opinions on Gaq's new-look website. It is a crass, ugly and deeply-stupid work. Also, his journal is nothing more than a pack of lies: He wrote entries for...
Hello there, you spinning ponce. The Internet's "Gaq" has recently informed me that he is planning to start his own web journal. He claims it will "destroy" Planet Jerky. Ha! He probably won't...
Obo krelm, fuckers! Sit down and have a nice, refreshing can of Dutch Gold because Planet Jerky has returned to your screens. So, where has the famous Planet Jerky been exactly? Shut up! This... © 2004 MR. JERKY |
Deck the halls
Must... crush... newspaper!
Fucking hat revisited
Rape is a laughing matter
Cops stole my brain, please help
Smack ina maaf
I sentence you to kiss my ass
#gold is the fucking best
In gold we trust
Pipe to pipe bushman
I'm made of pies
Introduce me to Gladstone
I liek teh leafletz!
Glitterponce Lightshow
He doesn't even HIDE his booze in...
Look at this you cunts
I want a trashbag!
Postman Pat's a really healthy man
Marc: J'aiem leh donut!
Deck the planet
Third prize is you're fired
This is what comptrolling all about
I sense you all have secret gold
Rise from your grave, fucker
Fudge Packer: The Musical
You are not a man - You are an ape
Jazz your bum with consumer...
Gold lovin' ain't no crime
I'm the fucking best
You go drink Dutch Gold, fucker
Shamone check checkdakone